I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
