Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
