Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
