It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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