Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
