i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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