I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
