UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
