Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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