The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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