There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
