Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
