he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
