We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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