I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize