You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
