Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We have so much sex to catch up on
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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