Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
