dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
