I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
