I just made out with a guy for $7.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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