Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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