"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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