Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
