Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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