Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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