I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
