hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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