I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
time to smoke my breakfast
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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