booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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