so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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