Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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