i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
