Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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