I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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