Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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