I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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