somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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