My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
