how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
