nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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