Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
