i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
