Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
