In America we eat man semen.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
