did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize