drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
