now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
