You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
