I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
