he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
