She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
