Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
