Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
