My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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