look no pants
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
