went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she looked like the before picture.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
