We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
