I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
