I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
