Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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