you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
