Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize