guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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