I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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