our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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