Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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