I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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