I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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