Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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