One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
