Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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