I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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