Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
