areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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