I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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