Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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