my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize