Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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