We won't sleep together?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
