You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
