So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
