Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
