I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
