so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
