using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
