Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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