oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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