People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
