ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
