i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
