i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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