i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
