At least make sure they are 18
Why
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
