garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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