I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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