so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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