your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So drunk its hurt
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
