Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize