I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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