i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
