I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
