I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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