why didn't you poke me back
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
