Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
