He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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